i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
