I didn't shave. On purpose
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize