Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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