I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
