Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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