if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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