Need sex. Gaining weight.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
