did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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