yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
