Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
