haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
When are your genitals available?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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