you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
