4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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