the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
