Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
