The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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