If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
