Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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