There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
