Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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