Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
