how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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