I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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