I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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