where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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