Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
