Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
