In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
