I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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