Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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