Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
