I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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