so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
