So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
