i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
