forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
