there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
