I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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