I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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