There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize