It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
