If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
