Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
