If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think your dad took our porno
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
