Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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