We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
