Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
