I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
