i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I'm really busy with my period
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