is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
