addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I smell stomach acid.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize