so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
