Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
