you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
