Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
