you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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