I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
