i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
