Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
