i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
