he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
