and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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