dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
