proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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