As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
