I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do vagina's smell?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
