i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He passed out mid-signature
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
