and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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